Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
me + whiskey = a bad person
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
