Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
love makes seman taste better
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
