he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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