Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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