The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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