If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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