have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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