I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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