While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
