Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
