Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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