Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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