Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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