Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we're so committed to being not committed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
