make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Blood and glitter go together right?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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