Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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