Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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