Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
