Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You pole danced in your parka.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
