I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
