I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
