dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
