Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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