I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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