Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
