Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
