once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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