dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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