Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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