so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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