I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
