I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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