none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
