he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
