so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
