If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
