This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
