He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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