You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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