My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
