I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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