there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
