morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
