Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
