the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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