Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
