Non-Jews are for practice
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
