she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
