Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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