worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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