he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
