He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
