I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
